Exams. Makeup. Paycheck.

Not necessarily in that order.

It’s exam time (season, month, fortnight). This means that I am a) actively avoiding studying by doing anything else, and b) anything else includes makeup browsing. I also washed my makeup brushes and sponges (I even cut the oldest one in half). The point is exam time is a difficult period and a few years ago I was making myself a bit happier by buying new colourful nail polish, but nowadays I am spending money on makeup, which is essentially the same if you assume nail polish is just finger makeup (face makeup is a bit more expensive, though).

This is because for the first time in forever  (♪♫♬ … there’ll be magic, there’ll be fun) I am actively earning my own money. Which is quite convenient but capitalism might eat me alive. That would be bad. And the reason I say this is because my first paycheck (wasn’t big) my initial reaction went along the ‘whoa all of this is my money’ lines. My second payhcheck (2.4375 times bigger than the first one) I sort of looked at it, and at my life, and I have decided that it’s not that much.

Onto the main idea behind this post: exams and university.

Every exam season I sort of fall into the pit of dread and disappointment. Delightful! I sort of look at myself and my life choices, see how far others have come and conclude that I, personally (on a personal level, in my personal opinion) should be doing much better. Why am I not creating anything? Why am I not telling the stories that I want to tell? Where is the book I’ve tried to write a million times? Why did I not write like 10 scripts that I wanted to write? Why do I leave everything unfinished… even that house I started building in Sims?

What the fuck is up with this?

I have an exam on Wednesday (April 19th) at 9 a.m. I should be studying but instead I am contemplating what better things I could have focused on and what happened to my acting career (it never existed, to be honest, but still). I don’t have answers to this. I pretty much do not have answers at all. I do not know anything for the oncoming exams and I am taking a Buzzfeed quiz to find out which city suits me the best by pretending to write a book (you know, the one I will never write?)… spoiler alert: it’s London (I love London).

If anyone needs answers, this is the wrong place. But if you need another confused perspective… welcome. I would say I am going to study but I’ll be taking a few more of those quizzes.

✨sparkle, sparkle… b✨,


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